i got mine, now get your own

Dear Sir,

I realize you must think you really pulled one over on me. Do you really think a woman as smart as I believed the bullshit you spewed for a second? You were right about one thing, I am "real and not like other girls." Did it hurt my ego that you fucked me and began to flirt with my friend? Oh yeah, but you know what I realized, I got exactly what I wanted from you. Some soft caresses, a hard fuck and you out the door. Was I hoping to have a ongoing "sometimes lover" relationship with you? Sure I was. But my drought isn't so bad that I would ever go back to someone as classless as you. You had a chance to have a great friend and lover with me; I'm not like the other girls, I truly don't want a forever fuck. Good luck to you, and don't worry I don't mind because you don't fucking matter.

Sincerely,
Knew better, but did it anyway.

WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ME

You may want to know what the fuck I am looking for with all of this online dating blog bullshit. Well it is simple really. I am looking for the best of myself in a man that loves the worst of myself. Isn’t that what we are all looking for. In the meantime I am realistic. I don’t want a marriage proposal before I’m 34, I don’t feel the tick tock of the damned biological clock like so many other woman, I don’t need my toes sucked, I don’t need to be “taken care” of; as if I am some sort of mentally ill person, and I don’t want to be sexually objectified without my consent.

Recently I had a strange and wonderful afternoon delight with an acquaintance. He was coming down from a long night of birthday debauchery, and I was horney as hell. After the ultimate make out session, god I love those, a nice tumble in the hay and off we went with a grip of friends to a show. He stayed the night, left in the morning and all is well. That is what I want. Right there. Sexual enjoyment, friendship, music, hanging out, and being real. No lines, no bullshit. Just two people enjoying each other in the moment they are together.

I don’t know if I am going to find something so easy and effortless online. It is starting to appear that the men I am attracted to want to skip the getting to know you part, and just focus on your naughty bits. There are the men that have a litter of children that are in the market for a new mommy, and of course there are the regular guys that are just hoping to fall in love and quit looking. I get that, but it is a lot of pressure.

What I want is simple and uncomplicated. I want to go out Friday, play all day Saturday, and recover in bed on Sunday. I want one of those weekends a month with a man that is busy too, and enjoys what he can get when he can get it. No games. No hang-ups. Oh and a lot of making out, because I remember now what it was like to be in high school and make out for hours, it’s FUCKING WONDERFUL!

Elko E. is a major D-bag

Well, the online dating rant is back. Don’t worry; there is always plenty to bitch about when it comes to “attempting” to meet a man. I mean I can meet someone to fuck; I can meet someone that has the back to front comb over that wants to “walk on the beach” and is an “incurable romantic,” blah, blah, blah….. Or like the following text conversation I can meet weirdo’s that enjoy sexually objectifying women by means of text message. This one is between Elko E. and my self.

Elko: Hey. CutieElko: Hi babydoll.

Me: What’s goin on

Elko: Not a lot baby, just Hangn out ;)

Me: Nice. Just got home from a jazz concert at unr

Elko: Very kewl. (I know I know he actually used “kewl”)

Me: Very cool indeed. It was fucking mind blowing amazing. Music fees my soul.

Elko: I’d like to feed you. (really he said that) ;)

Me: (after a pregnant pause to decide how to respond)

Not sure how to take that to be honest. Fairly certain you meant that in an “nc-17” rated way. REALLY?

Elko: In a hung way babe ;)

So you see what I mean. Here was a man that really only wanted to “sext” or what ever. Which is funny because the very first thing I said to him was “I don’t sext.” So I can only assume that he has Mommy issues and needs to put himself on a pedestal for me to go down on. Well, I didn’t respond to him that night, and I actually received a “Morning sexy” message the next day. Wow…..

not that bitter

Look out folks, I am on a blessing kick again. I absolutely blown away by the people I have in my life, the new friends I meet, the fun things I get to do, and the overwhelming amount of love that I share with so many amazing friends and family.

Last night was a fun punk show that I went to with old friends and some new ones. I had so much fun. A lot of laughter, hi-jenks, and to be honest one too many libations. My point about this is the pure fun that was had. No hang ups, no drama, no bull shit. Just really cool people having a really great time. There was a time in my life that I hid from the people that loved me, and I didn't put myself out there to meet new people. It was a time in my life filled with self-destruction and dishonesty. So, yeah a silly crazy punk show caused me to feel blessed.

Life is a crazy fucked up thing sometimes. It is really easy to get bogged down with all the negatives. I find myself there all the time. It is a misuse of valuable energy to focus on the everything that isn't how you want it. Enjoy what is given to you. Accept the good along with the bad. You can't have one with out the other. I am "in love" with life, my life is what I make it, and I choose to make it fantastic!

To all of my friends in the world, you make me better. I hope I can give back a small amount of what I receive.

time for a change

Normally my blog is about dating and the bullshit that goes along with being a sexually confused single woman. This is not the same old shit. Today I am overwhelmed by the heartache, the abandoned, the forgotten, the sick, the cold, and the mistreated. There is so much to say, I don’t know where to start, but I have to start somewhere.

First: Nevada doesn’t have a fucking needle exchange. Do you realize that our “Battle Born State” has one of the highest Hepatitis C rates in our lovely country? Do you know that heroine use is up while meth is down? Not that people weren’t and aren’t shooting meth, but the preferred way to inject H is via needle. So, why the fuck is it against the law to have clean rigs available to addicts? It doesn’t make a non-drug user say, “Gee whiz, since there is a clean rig available I guess I will put down the pez and shoot some dope.” I want to start a harm reduction coalition, who is with me?

Second: Has any one been down to Record Street and E.4^th lately? I have. I brought sandwiches down, and you know what I discovered; a shit load of hungry homeless people. There isn’t enough food at all of the shelters and churches. Those amazing souls were thankful for a leftover pulled pork sandwich, when I had just dined on a fucking gourmet dinner. They were huddled under tarps, while I got out of a fucking B.M.W. with heated seats. They didn’t judge how the sandwich reached them, they were happy to receive it. When was the last time you didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth? I will answer honestly, I ALWAYS questions the motives of kindness, and wonder what I am missing out on. Also, I know I wasn’t the only one with more leftovers than I knew what to do with, where the hell were you? Don’t be scared, feed a hungry person, I know you have a bird feeder.

Third: There are more and more animals on death row. I know in contrast to the horror that so many humans are facing in this dark economy it is easy to dismiss the plight of our 2 and 4 legged friends. There are many cases of pets being displaced because their owners become homeless and they cannot be cared for. Many animals find their way into the “animal welfare” system because of abuse. And some were born into the “foster” system. If you must have a puppy of a certain breed, volunteer at your local Humane Society first, then if you still maintain that the Schnoodle from Vegas is the only pet for you, so fucking be it. But I just bet that won’t be the case.

I can only speak for myself when I say that I am luckier than most. I am warm, I am full, and quite honestly I am a little bit drunk. But I care, a lot. I don’t know what to do with all the caring I have, but I have to do something. Do you care? Do you want to do something too? Then do it with me, forget that I may have offended you, what’s done is done. Yesterday only matters when the Beatles sing about it. Join me and let us all make a difference. If we don’t, who will? Somebody must know somebody that can help me change laws. Somebody must know somebody with a van that can help me take warm soup to cold souls. Somebody must know somebody that can foster a pet. If we all do what we can, then our “fish bowl” can be a better place. And who is to say that we can’t cause a big ripple? I am tired of being a complainer that doesn’t do a GOD DAMN THING! Aren’t you?

Dear Sir

To Whom It May Concern:

I am online dating to try and find a guy to take me to dinner, rub my feet, listen to music with and have the sex with on occasion. BUT, until I know you, talk to you, smell you, have dinner with you, and generally know if you are anything more than an average boring sack of bitterness I don’t know where things will go. If and when they graduate to hot tub fun, you will be most happy. I go places ladies don’t go, but if you continue to “sext” or what ever this crap is considered you will never get a heavy breathing phone call.

Sincerely,

“never gonna get it”

From Him:

Lime?
Are those tattoos of the dogs real?

M

My response:

yup, real tattoos of a real dog even.

Now it gets really good…….

Wow I have never seen a 1D dog in real life. Kidding.

Great profile. Most of them I read are so F'n boring. and they all have the same picture of them standing in front of the Eiffel tower or on the great wall of china. There must be some divorce lawer in town that gives away a trip to Paris with every new divorce.

I dont know who Glenn Beck is. Is he on CNN or Fox news?

Do you have a hot tub? (really, he said that!)

M

FUCKING SNOW

Last Thursday I was really excited about the upcoming weekend. My Incline Smooth Jazz man was going to call me Friday and set up a time and place for our Saturday date. I was pretty excited, he was older than I had initially said I wanted, but ooh sooo cute. But then Friday rolls along and the email I get isn't a time/place set up, but a.......

"light of the impending snow storm I was hoping that you would consent to a rain check on this weeks date in Reno. I would prefer fair weather in which to drive to Reno in and drive back from especially probably if I imbibe.

Thanks for your understanding and I will be in touch. Or shoot me back a message"

.......REALLY? But it was “all good”, because I had another date Sunday. No worries there, he's a tried and true Truckee man and nothing will keep him away. NOPE, Saturday he tells me he must take a rain check too because of the storm.

In the long run it all worked out because I had a nice relaxing evening with friends on Saturday. I made 3 new friends and was given a hula-hoop (stay tuned for my "bitter with a hoop" blog), and watched a super cool L.E.D. hula-hoop light show. So I wasn't very bitter at all, and on Sunday I made my two best friends in the world an incredible dinner. Veggie "ground round" and super mushroom marinara sauce with whole-wheat pasta. It was freaking fantastic.

So really I guess it was a blessing that I was canceled on because I am pretty sure Smooth Jazz wasn't going to give me a hula-hoop.

Bitter at the Gym

So, I am in the process of finding a decent man to buy me dinner and make sweet, sweet, s-n-m with me. I joined a gym in order to attract the right kind of man. One that I find attractive, has money (for the hotel suites, honey I don't F*** where I sleep), and isn't a complete douche bag. While at the gym today I thought to my self, "self, how much do I weigh," boy was that the worst thing I could think. Next thing I know I find myself on the scale, and what happened next wasn't pretty. Lets just say 8 pounds over the initial 30 pounds I already knew were extra.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So my reverse body dysmorphia has reached an all time high. I have never felt sexier, or more confident. But this fat gut isn't going to attract the right kinda guy. There will be NO: comb overs, republicans, recent divorcee's, fatties, jobless, without a car, scrubs of any kind, under 5ft 10in, or any type of loser. So time for this fatty to get serious. Otherwise I see a grateful comb over guy with a mid life crisis Miata in my future, and that is too bleak for me.

Somethings Shouldn't Be Talked About Pre-Coffee

I knew when I started online dating I would be in for some adventures with the opposite sex. This is Reno, NV after all. It is a town full of “whore culture,” as I like to call it. But even in Reno being offered a 3-way before 9 a.m. is out of the ordinary. Having my sexuality questioned by someone I don’t know is new as well. With whom I share my sheets is my business, if I share them with you, then we can talk 3-ways. Perhaps offering to buy me dinner would be a better segue into pre-coital conversation rather than yahoo.com instant messanger.

HIM: are you bi/bi-curious?

ME: Are you asking me if I'm into chicks or if I like bi guys

HIM:do you like girls?

ME:depends on the woman. not usually in a 3 some way though. not my thing

HIM:gotcha

ME:Is that your online dating goal? 3 way?

ME:hahaha! love it!

HIM:not my "goal" but i do have a friend (with benefits) that is alway interested in fmf play

HIM:she inexperienced but want to "get into it:"

HIM:very cool lady

ME:ahhh got it. well, lets see if we click, it not hook me up with your friend

all done.