Dear Sir

To Whom It May Concern:

I am online dating to try and find a guy to take me to dinner, rub my feet, listen to music with and have the sex with on occasion. BUT, until I know you, talk to you, smell you, have dinner with you, and generally know if you are anything more than an average boring sack of bitterness I don’t know where things will go. If and when they graduate to hot tub fun, you will be most happy. I go places ladies don’t go, but if you continue to “sext” or what ever this crap is considered you will never get a heavy breathing phone call.

Sincerely,

“never gonna get it”

From Him:

Lime?
Are those tattoos of the dogs real?

M

My response:

yup, real tattoos of a real dog even.

Now it gets really good…….

Wow I have never seen a 1D dog in real life. Kidding.

Great profile. Most of them I read are so F'n boring. and they all have the same picture of them standing in front of the Eiffel tower or on the great wall of china. There must be some divorce lawer in town that gives away a trip to Paris with every new divorce.

I dont know who Glenn Beck is. Is he on CNN or Fox news?

Do you have a hot tub? (really, he said that!)

M